The feeling when he’s leaving

It’s a rainy, cold Saturday and I have just dropped Mr Grumbert off at the airport. Just one day earlier we have returned from a holiday in South America – and now he’s already gone again. That’s the way it is with his business travels: He can’t always choose freely on when and where to travel…

Can he? Should he? Why didn’t he…? 

Driving back home through the darkness, my thoughts start to wander. Is this trip really so important? Why didn’t he just tell his clients in Australia that he couldn’t attend their conference on Monday in Perth because he was still on holiday? Then I wouldn’t have to spend the last two days of our holidays alone at home…

We could have had a glass of Malbec and look through our holiday pictures together. Instead I’m doing the laundry and go to bed early – but sleep simply won’t come. I’m struggling to find my way back into everyday life, while Mr Grumbert switched back to full business mode with ease. I feel alone and envy my friends, who lead more conservative lives, and therefore will never have to face such a situation. In these moments I really hate his job that leads him away from home so often!

While I lie there, giving in to my thoughts, Mr Grumbert’s plane arrives at Istanbul Airport.  He texts me shortly afterwards, sending a picture and wishing me a good night. My bad feelings start to fade. Seeing him sitting in some airport lounge, waiting to spend yet another night on a plan while I get the luxury of sleeping in our own bed at home, makes me realize once again how exhausting a trip like that must be. And that’s only the first leg of his 30 hour journey to Australia. Anger makes way for sympathy and worry. If only he returns home safely…

Going through the motions

In a way it’s always like that: every time Mr Grumbert has to go on a business trip, I’m going through the motions. I’m usually proud to be an independent woman – but when Mr Grumbert leaves I realize how much I actually do need him in my life. At first I’m sad to see him go. After a while I start to get angry about the fact that he even had to go in the first place, followed by the worry about his safe return. And then, slowly, I start to adapt to my temporary single life, enjoying things I usually don’t do when he’s around.

Finding us again

In a relationship we tend to forget the independent persons we once were. It’s so much easier and comfortable to rely on each other – but it’s also more dangerous because you might lose yourself after all. When Mr Grumbert is away, I’m forced to face who I am apart from being his wife. I’m forced to do things alone that we usually do together. And I’m forced to find back to myself. Every single time.

At first it’s difficult. Then I start to appreciate it. It feels good to be myself after all. And when Mr Grumbert finally returns it’s a bit like getting together all over again. There’s him. There’s me. And we make a good team.

In my next post I’m going to write about what I do exactly to make his departure easier.

Thanks for reading -let me know your thoughts on the topic 😉

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